fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
