U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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