Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
