I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
