just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
smell my finger.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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