Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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