I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
