Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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