Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
