dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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