You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
farters have to be the big spoon...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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