If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
