My room smells like vodka and shame
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
