Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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