I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
