At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
