I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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