Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
