I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
