I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
