Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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