one two three fourrrrnication!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
