So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize