My first STD was from a foam party
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
