I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
