I don't think brook has ever known best
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
