We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
