Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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