I'm gonna have a badass scar
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize