all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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