So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize