he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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