when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
