Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
