Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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