I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
