JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
