I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize