Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
