He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
