You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
