i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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