who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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