Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
