why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize