I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He kissed a someone with a penis
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
