So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
