I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
