yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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