and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize