sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
