TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
