non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
