Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
