if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
