Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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