even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
