how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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