dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
