planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
