Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
